dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
