Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize