Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
