apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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