sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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