I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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