Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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