At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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