I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
