It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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