His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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