you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
