sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So drunk its hurt
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
