ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize