Your favorite bartender is back from prision
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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