opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
