Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
