Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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