I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
