I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
