the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
