so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
