i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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