I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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