It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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