Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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