she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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