Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
