So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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