Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
