i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
