Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize