OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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