How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
