I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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