Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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