nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
