Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
