Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
