So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
