I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
