I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
