we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
