Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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