Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
