I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
