K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
