a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
