i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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