i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
