May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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