I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
