If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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