On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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