My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
