i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
