No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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