There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
