your thong is hanging out like whoa
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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