She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
