I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
