I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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