I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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