I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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