I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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