Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
