we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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