Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
