You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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