apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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