Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize