Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
