; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
